Bullying...

As you may have read here, I am not a fan of Rebecca Black, but as I was looking around the internet I found something that just disgusted me. Rebecca Black has been forced to be pulled from school because all the bullying she received.

I've talked crap about her music, more about Friday than My Moment, but if I see her in the streets, I'm not going to go up to her and make fun of her because of it. If she were to ask me what I think about her music, I would say that I am not a fan and that I don't like it, but I'm not gonna bully her or make death threats like people have done already. That's low. How can anybody be so bad and do that to someone??? This is why I approve of shows like Bully Beatdown, I know that in Rebecca's case is verbal bullying, but with the world how it is right now, verbal bullying is enough for someone to want to hurt themselves. The problem is that if she were to hurt herself, those same bullies and people around the world would likely say "good riddance" or "yay, no more Friday" and they wont feel anything. Those same bullies will go about their lives like nothing ever happened. That's being heartless and why??? So they can get a cheap thrill of making someone else feel bad just because your an ass that has something bad in their lives that want to hide???

I really do not approve of bullying and I know that there will always be bullies, but parents (and yes, I'm calling out parents) need to be more attentive to this and show their kids, while they are young, how to treat people. I am not a fan of Rebecca Black's music, but considering all the shit people have put her through (and I am including myself) I have managed to become a fan of her. Her as a person. She is actually taking all this well considering that she has been an outcast and that she has never been very liked before Friday. I would like for her to become very famous so she can show that she is above the bullies and that she doesn't let people drag her down. She got a lot of haters because of Friday, but she got a lot of them to turn around once My Moment came out and even thought the part where she mentions us haters and basically tell us to f*** off, I still managed too like a little bit the song. It takes one song to make every bad thing go away and I really hope that Rebecca Black can deliver that song in the future and show the bullies that they can shove it. I hope those same bullies end up buying her CD's and her t-shirts and sell out concerts, that way she can tell them that all that bullying was for nothing and now they are the ones paying her bills.

Maybe This Is How It Happened.

Considering Sony's track record, this could totally be what happened that day.

Sony Pictures Exec: "Neil, we need to talk to you. Could you come into our office?"

Neil Patrick Harris: " Of course. What's going on?"

SPE: "Neil, we were reviewing your contract and it states that you have to make a kids movie."

NPH: "Sure, what do you guys have planned?"

SPE: "Well, the only movie we have in our itinerary is The Smurf. Since you are under contract, you are going to be in that movie."

NPH: "Oh cool. That's awesome. What Smurf am I going to play?"

SPE: "Yeah. Neil, you're not playing a Smurf. You are going to be the human that ends up saving the Smurfs... Oh and we are going to name it Patrick."

NPH: "SHIT!"

Jokes Gone Too Far.

Have you ever had a friend that never knew just when to pull the plug on the jokes and end up crossing the line??? Yeah, they do that, but only a real friend would acknowledge it and make sure they don't do it again. But what happens when they cross the line, you tell then and suddenly you're the bad guy???

Twice this has happened to me know and I always think the same thing, "I'm better off without them". They tend to be like a thorn on your side that just doesn't want to let go, rather than a friend. One of these happened just after seeing Thor at the theaters and since I am a Marvel comics fan, it tend to be annoying the ignorance of the people. First of all, all this came from someone who went to see the movie 6 times just because the guy was hot. When I asked what the movie was about, she told me she had no idea, but that the guy was the only reason she saw the movie 6 times. I tried to explain and all I got was a "really don't care what it's about". That kind of annoyed me, but no big deal, people do that all the time.

Another thing was the whole thing with the Cosmic Cube. The Cosmic Cube plays a big part on Thor, Captain America and The Avengers, so it would stand to reason that you should at least know something about it. When was the last time anybody said "I wanna see a movie because the guy or girl is hot", pay $10 and come out knowing absolutely nothing about the movie??? I learned about the Cosmic Cube and then she messed everything up. You know when someone tells you something about a toy or item and every time you see that toy or item, you think about what they told you??? That's what happened and it wasn't even something funny. She basically told me that it was so stupid that it might as well be a Rubik's cube since they look the same. You are comparing a plastic cube with six differently colored sides to a cube that glows and has otherworldly powers. That, in the Marvel world, is what we call an insult, but I shrugged it off. Once you do it, it gets annoying and in time, maybe funny, but when you do it constantly just to piss you off, then you are not worthy of being a friend, so I'm not sad because I lost one friend.

I really don't care about the friends I have lost and that is just because I'm better of without them. Sure, when you lose a really close friend you have known for years, it sucks, but that means that one of you did something big. Just like the other crapfest Something Borrowed (I know it's a chick flick), Darcy is engaged to Dex and Rachel is the maid of honor and Darcy's best friend since they were kids. Rachel has an affair with Dex, which she has had a crush on him for years. Darcy finds out and Rachel, after having sex with Dex more than once and spending a whole weekend together, she expect Darcy to forgive Rachel. Friendships can get through anything, but when you basically sleep with your best friends fiancee and stay with him after the friend breaks up with him, that is messed up. You know what, they are the once that are missing out on a good friend. You're better off without them.

Smurf You!!!!

As of this writing, I've been dragged to see The Smurfs three times and I've got to say that I've never felt my IQ drop while watching a movie. Seriously, after the second time I watched it, I literally felt physically ill. I felt light-headed and I wanted to vomit. The first time I saw it English and I think I laughed once, the second and third time, we had to watch it in Spanish and the movie was translated word for word. Same bad joke, same bad lines and the Scottish Smurf didn't even have an accent in the Spanish version. This movie is a smurfing piece of smurf.

Before actually speaking about the Smurfs, lets talk about the human character. First of all, a big sign of this movie being lazy is that Neil Patrick Harris' character is actually named Patrick. I know the script is written before even thinking about actors, but really??? Secondly, whenever Patrick was interacting with his girlfriend Grace, played by Jayma Mays (which she is one of the only 2 good actors in this), not only does it feel forced, but it feels awkward. Even the interaction with the Smurfs looks awkward. I know that the don't exist and they are not there but when you look at other movies, they don't look that awkward. That's it for actual human "character" that matter, Patrick's boss is really there just to make sure you know how much pressure Patrick is under, Grace's character was great and that's about it. It's all about the Smurfs.

The other human character is Gargamel and since he doesn't go anywhere without Azrael, I am going to talk about them as a pair. I do need to point out that Azrael is smarter than Gargamel, good thing Gargamel is the actual wizard of the two. Hank Azaria does a great Gargamel but the script make whatever he said look bad. First of all, how is it that he has had Azrael for years and never knew he was a boy??? It's not until Azrael has his balls on his face that he figures it out. Gargamel is out to capture the Smurfs but there is a part on the movie that he seems to forget about them, oh, and during that part, we get to see him make and old woman, young again. And this comes with perking up her boobs and ass, you know, a kids movie. And Azrael is really annoying. He doesn't talk or even sound like a cat, he sound as if you stepped on his tail prior to making a sound.

As I am sitting thinking here trying to talk about these characters, not much is popping up in my head, at least nothing that would be worthy of a mention. So let's get to the main event, the smurfing Smurfs... Damn it, wrote that and my mind is now stuck playing the damn song. I have a couple of issues with the Smurfs here since I grew up watching the original cartoons, so let's get to it.

The Smurfs starts off showing us two Smurfs, whom we never get to see again, on birds taking smurfberries to the smurf village for the blue moon festival. Get used to it because we are using the word "smurf" a lot from here on out. Out comes Clumsy Smurf from his mushroom to go help out with the harvest but along the way he trips and, surprisingly, doesn't mess anything up. This bring us to what is to be considered a "joke", the first "joke" to be exact. "What do you get when you mix a cow and a Smurf??? Blue cheese." I was laughing so hard at that... Yeah, not really. The first thought in my mind after that "joke" was "please, kill yourself". After that is all downhill. he brings Gargamel to the village by mistake, they escape, Clumsy goes the wrong way because the idiot did not read the DO NOT part of the "Do Not Go This Way" sign because it was covered with two vines and they go through a portal that takes them to Central Park in New York. Why not leave the smurfing idiot go the wrong way and let him die??? No Clumsy Smurf equals less accidents, less times that Gargamel can find the Smurfs, oh, and making sure Papa Smurf visions of Clumsy ruining everything and getting the Smurfs captured doesn't come true.

You know, this could be the most potty mouthed kids movie I have ever seen. Well, it could have been. "Where the smurf are we?", "Smurf it", "Where the smurf are you?", "Smurf yourself a grin", and many, MANY more. I was trying to explain the movie to my cousin and as I was about to tell her that they got to New York, I said " the got to smurf".Every other thing out of their mouth is "smurf" and there comes a time that you honestly have no smurfing idea what the smurf they are saying. And they rip-off so many things from Braveheart's "Freedom" scream to taking "Cowabunga" and putting a freaking smurf on it (Smufabunga). I'm getting a headache just thinking about it. And so many references that just not apply here and seem very out of place. Smurfette at one point goes "I kissed a Smurf and I liked it". I know she is voiced by Katy Perry, but when you think about it, she's referencing her song "I kissed a girl and I liked it" where it's a girl on girl kiss. You know, for kids.

Speaking of Smurfette, we got her back-story in two sentences.Turns out she was created by Gargamel. I'm lost... If Gargamel can create Smurfs then why does he want to capture Smurfs when he can create them??? And how does that work exactly??? Acording to Smurfette, the Smurfs are dropped from storks. How are the made??? No smufing idea. All the Smurfs are male so that must mean one of two thing. These are the rejected rats that evolved into blue things or they are on a prisoner camp for guy Smurfs. In that case then how do they know what Smurfette is and what to do with her??? Clearly they know considering how they slobber when she's around and when Papa Smurf tells them to hang on to something when they are riding on top of the cab, Grouchy immediately grabs her and when she tells him "Not to me" he tells her "Oh, did I do that?". Yes, that is a Familly Matters reference. Speaking of Papa, him and Smurfette seem to be a little to close, if you know what I mean. Maybe he's keeping her all to himself and that's where Smurfs come from... Maybe that why every other Smurf seems horny, which would be a little weird considering that they are names by their personality... Seriously, there HAS to be a Perverted Smurf, Horny Smurf, and Gay Smurf... Oh, they have Vanity Smurf.

Oh shit... I mean, oh smurf, I just realized that the second time I saw the movie, I must have blacked-out because I don't remember watching a part of the movie. Meh, nothing as important, just the part where Papa Smurf tells Patrick to sit on his lap. Get this, Patrick finds information about the Smurfs using Google and all it shows is that they are mythical creature, but later in the movie, the Smurfs find a book about the story of the Smurfs. This book shows the comic strips and the creator for The Smurfs and here is where you can throw whatever logic this movie has, if it ever had logic. There is a book that clearly states that there is a comic strip, so it stands to reason to think that there was a cartoon, right??? OK, having gone through that, I wonder, how is it that there were comic strips and cartoons about the smurfing Smurfs and Google and Patrick have no smurfing idea what the smurf they are???

Between all the inappropriate use on the word "smurf" and the annoyance that they call "jokes", there really isn't anything worthwhile in this movie. Oh, and this movie has the biggest butchering of Aerosmith's Walk This Way, with the Smurf making a rap that I couldn't understand what they were saying and they incorporates the famous "La la la-la-la-la" to it. Why is it that it sold more than Cowboys and Aliens??? Because as long as there is a kids movie playing that weekend, it will drag parents and brothers and sisters to see the kids movie, even if they really want to see the other one. I haven't seen a good review of The Smurfs from critics anywhere. I guess I am done smurfing around, so remember NOT to smurf yourself, unless you feel like your IQ is a little to high and want to knock down some point of it.

Why So Blue???

 Got smurf'd and you know what??? Smurf you. you surfing piece of smurf of a movie!!!!! I'll do the smurfing post later.

Vampires, From Blood-Sucking Creatures Of The Night To Money-Sucking Creatures

I've noticed a fab recently. A fab that goes against everything Bram Stoker has shown us. Vampires are not the sexy, cute, human-loving creatures that they make them out to be in these new tweeny shows and movies.People are going crazy over vampires recently. Sure, since the Twilight books came of there has been vampire fever, but now we have shows and the Twilight movies. Let's think about what has happened.

First thing that fucked up vampires was, as we all know, Twilight and from that moment on it all went downhill. Now we have Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn Part 1 and Part 2, Vampire Diaries and True Blood, if I am missing some, I don't care. All of these shows or movies share the same common things. The story, with the occasional tweek, is basically the same, vampires are dumb down and they have way too many creatures.

Speaking of way too many creatures, let's take a look at True Blood. This is a series that started out with vampires, also consider that this is basically a southern, porn version of Twilight, but as the series went on, they started adding creatures. The most obvious of them all was the werewolves, then zombies, fairies, shapeshifters, witches and among other things that really makes for a crazy creature salad. Honestly for a show that is called True Blood and being about vampires, there really seem to be too much shit going on. BTW I really don't care The the title is a reference to the synthetic blood called "Tru Blood". This show goes to show the co-existence of humans and vampires. Really??? I am willing to bet that if anybody sees a vampire around they would run the fuck away from him, that is of course if you're not a Bella type person and go "ooh, a vampire, I wanna have his babies". And how can you take a show serious with a vampire named Bill and a chick named Sookie, well she is a fairy so i guess that would count as an excuse to name her that... But aren't fairies supposed to be small and have wings and shoot out pixie dust out their asses???

Twilight is basically the same story but without all the characters. Yeah we have the werewolves, that I guess they don't own shirts. That's another thing, I guess that they take of their shirt before transforming into werewolves so that they don't get stuck in them, but what about the pants??? They transform and the pants magically disappear. Are they special pants that also transform with them??? And how about when they go back to being humans, they transform back and the pants are magically on. Where is the logic??? That is like transformers, where when they are in robot mode, they are all scratched up, but when they go into car mode, they are brand new. Logic, anyone??? Shit, I made a full post about Twilight, that's is how much "love" I have for the series. Oh, yeah, a girl is getting sued because she apparently hacked someone and got secret pictures of Bella and Edward's sex scene. Summit is really greedy and to be honest what's the point. The trailer clearly shows part of the sex scene and if what they were trying to do is not to show that there is a sex scene then why would you show her clearly touching her belly because she's pregnant. We know they had sex, we know its a rough scene and the people that really want to see the movie, know the scene from memory due to the fact that a lot of them put themselves in Bella's place while Edward is having sex with them.

Now lets take a stab at Vampire Diaries. This is a series about a chick that falls in love with a vampire and she, and there is no surprise in this, turns out to be a very important girl that everybody wants. In case you haven't notice, that seems to be the same story of every one of these vampire related shows or movies. Creature-wise, this show seemed to stay with the required three which are the vampires, werewolves and witches. Everything else you can refer back to the other shows or movies.

Hollywood is always out to get our money, but these days they are making everything possible for you to give away your wallet. A few years ago the saying was "sex sells", now it's "stupidity sells". Dumbing down the vampires was a good strategy, but by doing that means that for us, the people that think of vampires and think of blood-sucking creatures like Dracula, is that there aren't many, if not any, good vampire movies like before.
This is the age of Justin Bieber, Twilight, Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez. What's next??? Zombies sharing their love with humans while unicorns fight off swarms of flying pigs??? Let me refer back to a previous picture i used that sums this up

Why, Marvel??? Why???

Dear Marvel, I get that you are trying to do something new, I get that you were bought by Disney and I get that you are trying to represent diversity in background and experience (whatever the fuck that mean) of the twenty-first century, but come on. Really? Really??? I have been a fan of Spider-man ever since I knew he existed. I was very into the Ultimate Spider-man series and have every comic of that series, that is until Magneto flooded New York and Spider-man is missing. That's where it ended for me. Few month later, I found out that they started the series again with Ultimate Comics: Spider-man. I thought that since it was issue #1, that it was the same story, but to my surprise, they continued the storyline six month after the flooding. How are they back??? I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


This, THIS is where I started losing interest in Ultimate Spider-man. If you're going to start of fresh, using issue #1, then why,oh why, do you continue A PREVIOUS STORY!?!?!?!?!?!? "Lets start the series again. How? Shit, we already killed Peter, so what will we do now? I know. Start the story six month after the flood and bring back Peter. How is he back? I have no idea, but whatever, just do it." And with a big fuck you, middle finger to us, they bring it back with no explanation whatsoever.

All that big deal they made about bringing Spider-man back from the dead and a few months later, what do they do??? THEY KILL PETER PARKER!!!!!!!! Marvel, in all seriousness, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THAT MIND OF YOURS?!?!?!?!?!?! Revive him so you can kill him again??? What's that??? Spider-man has had awesome battles, but his last one was with Green Goblin and that was the one that ended up killing him. To make matters worse, the last thing we see before flashing a big "The End" on our faces is Norman Osborne smiling. So you kill the hero, but you let live the bad guy that killed Spider-man?

OK, OK, fine Marvel. You wanted to finish Ultimate Spider-man once and for all, so I guess that you kill Peter and that's it. Oh, but wait, if that is what you wanted, THEN WHY NOT LEAVE HIM DEAD WHEN MAGNETO FLOODED NEW YORK?!?!?!?!?! What a bunch of retarded monkeys. So I guess it's over now that you slapped a big "the End" on us... WTF?? Seriously, Marvel? Seriously??? I thought you were done with this... How on Earth can you bring back Peter after everything you have shown us?... You are shitting me???

You are bringing Spider-man back to the Ultimate universe, but instead of using Peter Parker, you are using an African-American kid with a Hispanic background called Miles Morales???? I am not a racist, don't get me wrong, but this??? How does he become Spider-man??? You want me to buy the comic so I can find out how, but I have a better way of knowing. The comic comes out tomorrow??? In a few hours I will be able to Google how he becomes Spider-man and save my money. All we know right now is that he's a kid, the "with great power comes great responsibility" theme is the same and that he has to learn it and figure out what that means. THIS IS THE EXACT SAME SHIT PETER PARKER WENT THROUGH!!!!!!!!!! What is the storyline this time??? Same shit, different kid.

And you also changed the red and blue costume??? Now it's black with a little bit of red on it??? This is Spider-man. The wise-cracking, joke around, not stealthy guy. He's not a frigging ninja to make him all black. I get diversity and everything but this could have been played out better. We are fresh of Peter Parker's death and now you want us to welcome in this new guy we know absolutely nothing about? You just killed an icon, let us at least give him a proper burial. We are not little kids that can be bought off just like that. That like taking an iconic thing like Battleship and putting aliens on it... FUUUUUUUUUCCCKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!