Star Wars... Back In Theaters

OK... I'm all up for bringing a classic series back on the big screen, after all, it was this that brought me into the wonderful world of Star Wars, but why would they bring it so early??? By early I mean, Episode 1 came out in 1999, that's 13 years ago. This is all a ploy to get them in 3D and bring in more money. One thing is being nostalgic and another thing is paying $15 to $20 to go see a movie you could very much watch in your home.

They started out with Episode 1, which I'm guessing would be better for the people that haven't seen the whole thing since they can start from the beginning, but it's still stupid. I can only imagine the people in line waiting to go see the same exact movie while being dressed as Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader and Leia... Here's the problem... THEY DO NOT EXIST YET!!!!!!!!!! How are you going to see this movie dressed as someone that's not in the movie??? That's like going to see Iron Man dressed as Captain America. And isn't this the movie that everybody picked on of the whole series??? Sure, they nit-picked Episode 3 to death, but at least you can see the pain Anakin is going through. HE WANTS TO SAVE THE WOMAN HE LOVES!!!!!!! How would you get f you knew the person you loved was dying???

Another thing about this movie is that retard called Jar-Jar Binks. This is where I agree with a lot of people. Jar-Jar is the most annoying characters in movies I've seen. Did George Lucas smoke weed while creating him??? As I write this, I'm watching the movie and every time Jar-Jar is on screen, it makes me wanna barf. His voice, the way he speaks and just how he looks is enough to make someone go out the theater screaming. I just saw him and he is so uninteresting that I don't remember anything.

Is it me or is the interaction between Padme Amidala and Anakin seem creepy? I know she is supposed to be 14 in the movie but she looks older and he looks too young. Yes they do have some sort of connection and you could say that its more of a brother and sister thing, but when you thing about them getting together and having sex and having babies, then it is creepy. I always found it strange the relationship they have in Episode 1.

A couple of things now that I can't wrap my head around. First, why is Yoda in the Blu-ray version and the 3D version (which is the Blu-ray version) CGI when in the original he was a puppet? Did we really need the change from puppet to CGI? Yes, there is a lot of CGI in this movie, but why not make him CGI in the first place when you clearly have the tools to do so?

Secondly, if the Chancellor is this powerful Sith lord, HOW CAN THEY NOT FEEL HIM??? Clearly Obi Wan could feel Luke and Anakin, why not the Chancellor? And don't tell me that he is only an apprentice because Qui-Gon Jinn didn't feel the "Force" in him but he felt it from Anakin. Hell, not even Yoda could feel the disturbance in the "Force". If the Sith came back, I'm pretty sure they should at least feel the unbalance of it. Is it because he is playing nicey-nice with people that masks the whole "I'm an evil Sith lord" thing? Even worse, the Jedi Council AND Obi Wan knew that Anakin would be evil, so you can't say that they couldn't feel him.

Thirdly, a lack of Darth Maul. For me Darth Maul was the part of this movie. Ray Park is the Bobba Fett of this movie. Whethere he is doing Snake Eyes on G.I. Joe or Toad in X-men, every time I see him, I know that there will be an awesome fight scene and it this one, even though it was good, I found it to be short and lacking of what he can do and considering the build-up Darth Maul got, it didn't live up to what we expected.

This is a movie I can nit-pick every time I see, unfortunately it is my guilty pleasure. It's not my worst Star Wars movie (I'll leave that to whiny little "grown up" Anakin) but it's one of those love-to-hate movies. Nothing will ever compare to the original trilogy, but that's what we got served and that's the best we will get.

Spidey...

As you may know by know, I am a Spider-man fan and if you didn't know this, well now you know. Today they release the new trailer for The Amazing Spider-man movie and I must say that I am impressed. I was very skeptical when they decided to reboot the series but once details started coming out, the fog started to lift.

First of, this is not a reboot, it's a re-imagining and when you think about it, it's not even that. When you take a look at all the Spider-man comics, you will notice that there are many different ones, with different stories and different "universes". Same thing with Batman. The Batman movie doesn't have anything to do with Batman Begins. Why? Because its another universe. A darker, more serious Batman, even thought Micheal Keaton's Batman was dark. This Spider-man is a more down-to-earth, darker, real Spider-man. Sure it's the same "Peter gets bitten by a spider" story but now it will go more the route of Ultimate Spider-man. I really liked the decision to making the web-shooter mechanical instead of just being able to shoot web from his wrist and when you think about it, it was a little weird. This is a story I think you could relate to since here its more focused on the high-school student Peter as opposed to the hero Peter.

Second of all, the use of Lizard as the villain and that he is the only one (Spider-man 3 biggest flaw). This is a villain that everybody has been wanting to see in a Spider-man movie and now that they got it people are bitching about it. What is wrong with people? I think its well done.I would like to see a little bit more snout but this way you can actually see Connors and that's not all bad. We haven't seen a lot of it yet, but still looks good. Hell, it looks better than Venom did on the third one. They bulk him up (which they didn't do with Venom) and they chose an actor that you can really fit the whole Lizard\Connors personality. I could never see Topher Grace as Eddie Brock and I still can't. I don't think he is a bad actor or anything, but I would not give him the role of Venom. With Andrew Garfield you can believe that he is a high-schooler and is looks like the Peter from the Ultimate Spider-man series.

People need to stop judging a book by its cover. So many movies for which the trailer looks awesome and ends up being crap. You can't complaint about the movie if you haven't seen it yet. Same thing happened with Heath Ledger's Joker. Everybody complaint and said it was stupid (me included), but that lasted until they actually saw the movie. I know I am looking forward to this movie. All I can say now is "don't knock it 'till you try it"

Will Twilight Ever End???

Here I am sitting, Superbowl Sunday, and while everyone is waiting for the "Big Game", everybody seems to be more focused on another thing. Saturday's release of Breaking Dawn Part 1 on DVD. I saw this one on theaters (went to accompany my girlfriend) and I must say that I found it rather... BORING!!!!!! There is absolutely nothing that can justify the whole "make a two hour movie which consist of three thing: Wedding, honeymoon and pregnancy.

The whole thing was a mess. I am not a fan of Twilight but at least the other 3 movies have something to keep us men entertained... well, at least for a little while. Lets start off with the wedding. The wedding was bland, stupid and a real snore-fest. She took 3 minutes to actually walk down the isle, completely emotionless of course, and once she got to Edward, no smile. Actually, when she sees Jacob after the wedding, she gets more excited than actually getting married. Um, I'm lost here. Didn't she just marry the "love of her life" without showing any type of emotion, but when you see the guy you have no feelings for whatsoever, you get more excited. Oh, wait... I forgot. This is Bella we are talking about. What else would you expect from her.. Little side-note here, Edward and his family seem to still be suffering from Vampiritis Skinatis, that rare disease that only the Cullen family seems to have where they look like vampires but are not.

Now the honeymoon. The ONLY REASON why everybody went to see this crap. Edward shows his true colors and comes out of the closet. I KNEW IT!!!!!!!!!!!! The actually end up having sex (I guess a flaccid, wet spaghetti, ice cold melding Popsicle does it for her). Who knew right... Wait, its illogical Twilight. He ends up breaking the bed while having sex and this is where every girl in the theater went "YEAH!!! I want him so bad!!!". This is what this generation of girls want, an emo-ish, asshole that gets all disco in the sunlight. So, since Edward hurt her while having sex, he decides to never do her again even thought she dresses all sexy for him. HE IS GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To the point that she forces him to have sex. The next morning she starts feeling sick and when Edward gives her her bag, she finally realizes the most obvious thing. She is pregnant!!! Her smarty pants brain goes to "that's impossible". Uh, no, it's not impossible when you have sex with someone without protection to get pregnant. But to be fair, I didn't think it was possible considering that a vampire is just a body that is walking around without any blood in their system which would mean that nothing should work and before you say "that's why they drink blood", I don't recall a hospital ever saying "you need a blood transfusion, so you need to drink this blood to get it in your system". You mean to tell me that vampires have been around for centuries and not one girl has gotten pregnant??? What about Edwards exes??? Is this written in the handbook they give you once you become a vampire??? Could this get any stupider... Illogical Twilight, to the rescue!!!

Now Bella being pregnant gives us a chance to see her blow up like a balloon. The only problem with this is that the next 45 minutes were so bad that I do not remember absolutely anything. All I remember is that Bella becomes stupider, Alice shows what a fraud she is (if she could always see Bella's future, how come she didn't see her getting pregnant), Edward finally realizes that Bella loves Jacob but don't tell that to the Twilighters and the constant fighting of calling the "thing" a baby or a fetus. I'm sorry, I cannot get around the fact that Edward can produce sperm , let alone the fact that she is pregnant by a thing. Bella says she is strong enough to have the baby that maybe will kill her. Oh yes, this is coming from a girl that get Edward and Jacob to fight her fights while she is cowering away in a corner. This is your role model for this generation, ladies and gentlemen. After that we get a crappy CGI confrontation of Jacob and the leader of the pack and I was laughing my ass of at how stupid it looked. We get more blah blah blah about the fetus and this goes on for 45 MINUTES!!! Oh and Bella looking for excuses to rub up on Jacob and her drinking blood slushies and getting all excited while drinking it. How is it that Jacob and drinking blood get her all sexually excited and the "love of her life" doesn't???

The last half hour of the movie is the whole giving birth, Bella dying and the turning into a vampire. This is the scene I was excited about. Let me explain, this is the scene that they said would be all gross and nasty. Bloody and gruesome. This scene disappointed me so much that I could actually her that people that made this movie laughing because they played us all. You could see more blood from a paper cut than this movie. So Bella dies, Edward injects her with his venom (Sherlock Holmes here does it after she's dead, the moron) and then partakes in a Bella buffet, biting every little part of her body, which is more action she's gotten out of the whole marriage. Since the baby is alive, this brings the obligatory Twilight fight scene at the end and it is the weakest, most rushed thing ever.

Jacob decided he want to kill the baby but when the baby looks at him, we get treated to the most pedo moment ever. He goes into a monologue about what imprinting feels like. This part made me feel sick and dirty, like a I needed to take a bath or something. The power of imprinting is so much for Jacob he kneels behind Rose, who has no idea he's behind her, let alone in the same room. Then comes the fight, which is a minute long. You mean to tell me that Bella walking down the isle took longer than the actual fight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S BULLSHIT!!! That was the big payoff you were looking for, movie??? And then you treat us to watching Bella get all dressed up and watching the venom take effect, curing her every wound??? Then they show us flashbacks of the previous movies, you know, just in case you feel asleep during any of the movies and that makes Bella come back. Wait, they played the whole thing of as if it was her life that flashed before her eyes... Um, she has been dead for hours!!! you can't suddenly say "Oh, she wasn't really dead... Her heart was just beating so slowly that nobody knew she was alive". THEN HOW COME CARLISLE COULD HEAR HER HEARTBEAT!!!!!!!!!!! Why was Edward giving her CPR??? Why did Jacob give her mouth to mouth... Well, we know the answer to that one. And then they end up on her opening her eyes and showing her blood red pupils. Oh and let's not forget that once you become a vampire, you suddenly gain the power to have makeup appear out of thin air on your face. It's as if there is a list of power you gain and that one of them. This is the big cliffhanger they leave us on. BIG SHOCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is a worse cliffhanger than "Will you marry me?". There is also a scene during the credits but really don't care for it.

As you may see, there is little talk about Jacob and that is because he actually wears clothes on this one. Sure they have the mandatory shirtless scene at the beginning but that's about it. This is the most illogical movie in the whole series but what can you expect when their fan base are little girls that can't grasp the whole concept of vampires and werewolves. Fortunately, the series is almost over and with only one movie left, this means that at least one of my trips to the movies will be to please somebody and not because I want to. There is just one thing I wanna say but I think a very intelligent AND logical person said it.

I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After 4 months of being away from this, I decided that there is too much rage and ranting that I need to do to vent. Now that I am settled in my new house, I can return to writing. New location, new people, new durfs, but same old Durfinator.