Saturday, August 20, 2011

Final Destination 5...Wait...

Here we are. Final Destination 5 is out and if you haven't seen it, you should keep it that way. They have done airplane accident, car accident, roller coaster accident, race car accident and for number 5, bridge collapse. Before I get into number 5, I have to point out something. If the roller coaster accident on Final Destination 3 was caused because of the camera falling on the track, how is it that the accident still happened when the guy that takes the camera on the ride gets off it???


I really wasn't expecting anything new with this one and to my surprise, I was right. If anything it made me laugh. Sure the deaths are original, but lacking on the "wow" factor. The bridge accident, while its happening in his vision, takes 3 or 4 minutes to end, but like every other entry in this series, the actual accident happens in 10 seconds (excluding the first one).


This will probably be hard considering that my mind is trying to repress the movie.First thing that seemed stupid is the part where one of the girls is doing gymnastics. While she is on the balance beam, a screw falls from the overhead vent and lands right in the middle of the balance beam sticking up. After all the jumping, and moving on the balance beam, the screw never tips over and she doesn't even touch the thing. After two "near death" moments, she falls and breaks her back, but they make it seam like she fell from 10 stories up.


The second one dies when a Buddah falls on his head. That happens after he falls from the massage table and having the acupuncture needles go the whole way into his body. All of this happens because his cellphone was on vibrate and it pushes a lit candle to some towels. How does a vibrating cellphone move a big lit candle??? That must be one hell of a vibrator. 


The third one dies... or rather, commits "suicide". She's the one getting Lasik eye surgery and everything goes wrong. Everything gets started just because the water cooler makes bubbles that knock down a paper cup with water that is sitting on top of it. How is that even remotely possible???? I have no idea. The water falls into a socket causing the machine to go over the safe limit of the laser. Nothing really happens, that is until the smart little girl decides to grab the "remote control" sitting on top of the machine. How does she know that its there when she never saw it??? And if she never saw it, how does she know it has a very big, red button with "Emergency Stop" written on it??? So, she obviously tips the control over and turns on the laser causing it to burn her eye and hand. She finally gets up and starts screaming "Help Me!" while her friends open the door to the office where she is. Wouldn't you think that if you have your friends right in front of you, you would go to them??? She doesn't. She screams again and takes a step back, AWAY from her friends causing her heel to break. Then she breaks the most weak glass window in the world causing her to fall on a car. Really???


After this, one dies when a wrench flies to his head, the black guy avoids death by killing someone else and takes whatever life the other guy had left. If this is the fifth movie, don't you thing that someone would have said something by now about taking other people's life??? So the gymnast's boyfriend tries to kill his friends to take their lives but gets killed while trying. Small little detail about the group that survived, they are so bland and boring I don't remember their names, the main girl in the movie never dies in the vision but they are treating her as if she did die and the most awesome character appears twice in the movie and he is not even part of the ones that survived.


Cut to a month later when the main guy and the main girl (the one that didn't die in the vision) are boarding a plane. Guess where it's going??? TO PARIS... And there is a guy that has a vision that the plane is going to blow up. What does the main guy do??? Stay in the plane as if nothing happened. If you have seen the first one then you may already know that this is a prequel. Main girl gets sucked out of the plane and into the wing and main guy gets burned alive. Oh, look, the black guy is alive. He's alive?!?!?!?! FINALLY!!!!!!!!! A black guy survives in a movie. Oh... The guy he killed was about to die because he had something in his brain which means... Yeah, the plane wheels fall on him, killing him. So much for having a little bit of originality.


For it to be a prequel, they really should have seen at least the first two movies to see what they know. If they could have taken the life of whoever they kill then why not say something on the other movies? Also, how is it that in the first one they never mention that someone had a vision before??? In this one they say that it has happened before, that other people have actually had visions. I like the inventive ways they use to kill people but I feel like they took the lazy way out here. Not really feeling the depth in the movie. Story, the same one as other movies and the characters are just there to get killed. You don't miss anything by passing on this one You are better off going to watch The Smurfs. Fucking Smurfs.

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