Friday, August 5, 2011

Vampires, From Blood-Sucking Creatures Of The Night To Money-Sucking Creatures

I've noticed a fab recently. A fab that goes against everything Bram Stoker has shown us. Vampires are not the sexy, cute, human-loving creatures that they make them out to be in these new tweeny shows and movies.People are going crazy over vampires recently. Sure, since the Twilight books came of there has been vampire fever, but now we have shows and the Twilight movies. Let's think about what has happened.

First thing that fucked up vampires was, as we all know, Twilight and from that moment on it all went downhill. Now we have Twilight, New Moon, EclipseBreaking Dawn Part 1 and Part 2, Vampire Diaries and True Blood, if I am missing some, I don't care. All of these shows or movies share the same common things. The story, with the occasional tweek, is basically the same, vampires are dumb down and they have way too many creatures.


Speaking of way too many creatures, let's take a look at True Blood. This is a series that started out with vampires, also consider that this is basically a southern, porn version of Twilight, but as the series went on, they started adding creatures. The most obvious of them all was the werewolves, then zombies, fairies, shapeshifters, witches and among other things that really makes for a crazy creature salad. Honestly for a show that is called True Blood and being about vampires, there really seem to be too much shit going on. BTW I really don't care The the title is a reference to the synthetic blood called "Tru Blood". This show goes to show the co-existence of humans and vampires. Really??? I am willing to bet that if anybody sees a vampire around they would run the fuck away from him, that is of course if you're not a Bella type person and go "ooh, a vampire, I wanna have his babies". And how can you take a show serious with a vampire named Bill and a chick named Sookie, well she is a fairy so i guess that would count as an excuse to name her that... But aren't fairies supposed to be small and have wings and shoot out pixie dust out their asses???


Twilight is basically the same story but without all the characters. Yeah we have the werewolves, that I guess they don't own shirts. That's another thing, I guess that they take of their shirt before transforming into werewolves so that they don't get stuck in them, but what about the pants??? They transform and the pants magically disappear. Are they special pants that also transform with them??? And how about when they go back to being humans, they transform back and the pants are magically on. Where is the logic??? That is like transformers, where when they are in robot mode, they are all scratched up, but when they go into car mode, they are brand new. Logic, anyone??? Shit, I made a full post about Twilight, that's is how much "love" I have for the series. Oh, yeah, a girl is getting sued because she apparently hacked someone and got secret pictures of Bella and Edward's sex scene. Summit is really greedy and to be honest what's the point. The trailer clearly shows part of the sex scene and if what they were trying to do is not to show that there is a sex scene then why would you show her clearly touching her belly because she's pregnant. We know they had sex, we know its a rough scene and the people that really want to see the movie, know the scene from memory due to the fact that a lot of them put themselves in Bella's place while Edward is having sex with them.


Now lets take a stab at Vampire Diaries. This is a series about a chick that falls in love with a vampire and she, and there is no surprise in this, turns out to be a very important girl that everybody wants. In case you haven't notice, that seems to be the same story of every one of these vampire related shows or movies. Creature-wise, this show seemed to stay with the required three which are the vampires, werewolves and witches. Everything else you can refer back to the other shows or movies.

Hollywood is always out to get our money, but these days they are making everything possible for you to give away your wallet. A few years ago the saying was "sex sells", now it's "stupidity sells". Dumbing down the vampires was a good strategy, but by doing that means that for us, the people that think of vampires and think of blood-sucking creatures like Dracula, is that there aren't many, if not any, good vampire movies like before.
This is the age of Justin Bieber, Twilight, Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez. What's next??? Zombies sharing their love with humans while unicorns fight off swarms of flying pigs??? Let me refer back to a previous picture i used that sums this up

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